FIVE FORKS, South Carolina - GOP presidential front runner Mitt Romney's "Mormon Merriment Presidential Campaign Bus Tour" pulled into the town of Five Forks, South Carolina on a day when the heat index was 103.
In 1789, the city was discovered and named Five Spoons by the famous Spanish explorer Ponce de Cinco, Jr. But in 1954, the city council voted 3 to 2 to change the name to Five Forks.
And the interesting thing is that no one really and truly has any idea why since back then the city council meetings were held in secret and at an undisclosed location.
Why? Nobody has any idea, not even town librarian Vinnasette "Quaker Oats" Wallyvox, 93, who worked 16 hours a day, seven days a week, in a factory making Mustang Sally fighter airplane cockpits during World War II.
Romney told the crowd that last week when he visited Tuscaloosa, Alabama, he told the crowd of 40, that he wanted to be the president of the United States so bad that he was willing to change his religion from being a Mormon to being an Episcopalian.
He took a quick sip from his bottle of diet water and told the crowd estimated to be somewhere between 27 and 43 people that he has had second thoughts about it and he has decided not to change religions after all.
Right away someone in the crowd hollered out "FLIP FLOPPER!"
Romney ignored him. And again the voice hollered out, "FLIP FLOPPER!"
"Old Mittens" continued to ignore "Old Yeller."
And then the heckler yelled out, "ROMNEY, YOU'RE A FLIP FLOPPING MORMON!"
Romney finally lost his temper and yelled back.
"You're mama fool! And your grandmama! And your wife! And even your parole officer, you low-life, scum-sucking vermin."
The heckler lowered his voice and said, "Dammit Mitty, you sure do have a short fuse dude."
Romney instructed two of his campaign security guards to take "Old Yeller" into custody and haul his hollering butt down to the Five Forks Police Station.
As the heckler was being led off in handcuffs, Romney hollered out, "So who's the FLIP FLOPPER now B*TCH!"
In Other News. Lindsay Lohan has changed her accident story and is now saying that she was not driving her Porsche when it slammed into the back of a vodka truck. She said that she was in the back seat asleep and that her hair stylist Slicky Pomade was actually driving.