WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Department of Illegal Alien Control has just made a very interesting discovery.
Assistant Director Ferguson F. Cheermeister informed the U.S. news media that recent studies have concluded that roughly 87 percent of the illegal aliens who cross America's southern border from Mexico are unable to find any jobs in the United States.
Mr. Cheermeister spoke about an illegal alien who did not want his name revealed but said to feel free to use the fake name Russ Limbaugh.
Mr. Limbaugh stated that after he crossed the Rio Grande just north of Laredo, Texas, he tried to find a job in San Antonio.
After looking for two days without any luck, he gave up and traveled up to Austin. After two days with no job offers he left Austin and traveled up to Dallas.
He said that he was offered a job working the drive-thru window at a Hank's Hippity Hoppity Hamburger Restaurant but declined because he was afraid that a police officer or border patrol agent may show up at the window.
He left Dallas and headed up to Tulsa, Oklahoma. He worked there for one day as a security guard at a meat packing company but he said that the smell of cow udders made him dizzy.
He pointed out that he actually fainted but said that luckily he landed on three briskets which broke his fall.
Russ Limbaugh then hitch hiked up to Wichita, Kansas, where he found work driving a wheat truck, but he soon lost his job because he was caught singing Spanish hip hop songs with explicit lyrics on the CB.
"RL," as he was now known, feeling dejected and with only 89¢, in his Dallas Cowboys jogging outfit to his name, decided to try his luck up in Canada.
The only thing that he knew about Canada was that they had a Major League Baseball team the Toronto Blue Jays, there are Mallard ducks all over the place, and snow is very popular.
And so "RL" got a ride on an 18-wheeler truck that was heading to Winnipeg with a load of moose food.
He soon arrived in Winnipeg where within 24 hours he was hired to work in a portable igloo factory.
He was thrilled beyond belief and within four days he was promoted to shift supervisor because of his tireless work ethic, his wonderful command of the Spanish language, and the fact that he knew all of the Celine Dion songs, which of course, he sang phonetically.
And so The United States Department of Illegal Alien Control has finally realized that the answer to the illegal alien problem is not to round them up and send them back to Mexico; since they will only return within 48 hours.
Now that the government knows that the illegal aliens do not want to work in the USA and just simply want to pass through it to go work up in Canada they have devised what they call The 2012 President Barack Obama Illegal Alien Hallelujah Plan.
The plan states that the United States government will no longer round up illegal aliens and go to the tremendous expense of flying them back down to Mexico or Central America.
So effective immediately the plan calls for having Department of Illegal Alien Control agents meet the illegal aliens at the US-Mexico border and providing them with Greyhound Bus tickets to the US-Canadian border.
Voilá! PROBLEM SOLVED!