Written by Oleg the Tumor
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Topics: Politics

Saturday, 9 June 2012

image for Repeal the Logan Act?
"Hi Ho, Nobody Homeā€¦"

Lafayette Park is directly across the street from the White House. Practically every day somebody sets up a soapbox and the lecturers the president (or the presidency itself) in absentia, usually. But somebody is watching, and he's not your brother, big or otherwise.

Not until today. The Secret Service agents who drew "Lafayette Square Surveillance" duty on today's roster had no idea that today they would be photographing families of their own comrades. The families of agents assigned to protect the likes of Hillary Clinton and other top American officials "can smell the emperors burning clothes", said one middle-aged woman who spoke on condition of anonymity, "and we don't want our retirement screwed up when the shit hits the fan. What's wrong with that?"

A dozen employees of the Westfields Marriott in Chantilly, Virginia, were also in the park, protesting in support of families of Secret Service agents. The hotel is hosting a very special event this weekend. So special, in fact, that some of the employees are afraid to go near the place for legal reasons.

"What about us?" said a man who would only identify himself as a waiter at the hotel. "What are we, chopped liver? Their press release says they're going be talking about a bunch of stuff, including "the future of democracy". What's up with that? It's all horseshit. Hey, we are Americans too. Is some congressional panel going to start calling us in to testify five years from now? It's not a witchhunt, not until it's you floating down in the river! Who's protecting us? I can see the lights on over there, " he said, pointing over to the White House, "but there's nobody home and it doesn't matter who it is."

Morning rush-hour passersby weren't getting it.

"What the hell is the Logan Act?" one of them commented.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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