King of Prussia, PA-- An 85-year old spinster has finally found the exit door of the mall after 30 years of looking. Miss Vicki Smegma walked into the Mega Mall on December 24, 1982 and became hopelessly lost. After decades of wandering around she finally made it to the outside.
"I'm just not good at reading maps." explained Ms. Smegma. "The mall was very crowded in 1982 and I became very confused. I'm also just too shy to ask someone for directions." she sighed.
Miss Smegma says she spent every single day just looking for a way out of the Mega Mall, which boasts over 1,200 stores.
"I would eat the leftover food at the Food Court and sleep in a bed at the furniture store. I used to bathe in a sink in the restroom. It was a very strange life." she mumbled.
Miss Smegma says no one noticed her dilemma during her 30 year odyssey through the Mega Mall. Everyone was too wrapped up in their own lives to even glance at her.
"There are hundreds of elderly people just like me, wandering around and totally lost in the malls of America. I'm not the only one." she said.
Miss Smegma now has a new problem--and it's very similar to her previous problem.
"I can't remember where I parked my car!" said Miss Smegma. She stumbled out of the mall and began wandering the parking lot with a confused look on her face.