Philadelphia, PA-- There's something new on the menu at fast-food places around the city this summer. It's called long pork and it's being served just like hamburgers. Long pork is another name for human meat.
Fast-food joints got the idea for long pork burgers after several zombie attacks involving cannibalism were reported in the news. Many people asked fast-food managers to put human meat on the menu. Ms. Vicki Smegma is one such manager and was happy to explain further:
"Long pork is fantastic meat, everyone loves it!" exclaimed Ms. Smegma. "It tastes just like chicken!" she laughed.
Some consumers are still wary of long pork, because of where it comes from. Ms. Smegma wanted everyone to know that there's nothing to worry about.
"All of the bodies are donated to us from hospitals, prisons and China. Everything is done very tastefully." she declared.
Ms Smegma says funeral homes deliver the corpses in the back, so no customer has to see them.
"Then the long pork is ground up and made into cute little burgers. Most people eat them with french fries." she said. "When you order a Big Mack with us, chances are it came from some guy named Mack."