MARICOPA COUNTY, Arizona - The self-proclaimed greatest sheriff in America, Joe "Pinky" Arpaio has just announced that he and a deputy have captured three very strange looking individuals.
Sheriff Arpaio informed Rumsfeld Muddlefish a reporter with the supermarket tabloid Just Saying that he and Deputy Timmy "Tater Tot" Cacklecastle were out in the desert taking some midnight target practice when they were alerted to some rustling behind a chaparral bush.
At first the sheriff thought that it was some illegal aliens but as he approached the chaparral bush he noticed that the voices were talking in English and he knows that illegal aliens cannot speak any English except for the words hot, Corona Light Beer, Eva Longoria, and howdy.
Both Arpaio and Cacklecastle drew their handguns and as they got closer they saw the reflections of three figures that appeared to be female since they could see the shadowy outline of three pairs of tata's.
"Hands up!" yelled Arpaio in a very stern manly voice.
"Ditto!" hollered out Cacklecastle in an even sterner, manlier voice.
The three shadowy figures complied with the instructions and replied that they were unarmed.
As Sheriff Arpaio and Deputy Cacklecastle got closer they noticed that the three shadowy figures were actually three women - and zombie women at that.
Arpaio instructed his deputy to place them all in handcuffs.
The Sheriff told them that he was going to frisk them to make sure that they were not concealing any type of illegal weapon such as a Bowie knife, a Glock 9 pistol, an AK-47 assault rifle, or a grenade launcher.
One of the zombie women, after three minutes of being frisked, told the sheriff that there is no way that she could possibly conceal a weapon on the part of her body where he had been lingering for two minutes.
"Just doin' my job ma'am" came the out-of-breath reply from Arpaio.
Deputy Cacklecastle was somewhat upset that he did not get to participate in the frisking procedure.
After interrogating the three women out on the cold, midnight desert Arpaio informed them that he was going to be taking them into custody and charging them with being zombie prostitutes.
One of the women told him that she would admit that all three were in fact zombies, but angrily added that they were not prostitutes.
The Sheriff informed her that he had found crisp one hundred dollar bills in each one's underwear.
They all stated that the one hundred dollar bills had been planted.
Arpaio became extremely offended and told them that neither he nor Deputy Cacklecastle carry any money and that they pay for everything including bullets with credit cards.
And with that he placed the three zombie prostitutes in the back seat of the patrol car and headed towards town with the lights flashing and the siren blaring.
In Other News. Former GOP presidential candidate Michele "Hair Spray" Bachmann told a crowd in Kalamazoo, Michigan, that if Mitt Romney is the Republican nomination for president that she will most probably be voting for President Barack Obama.