Written by Dr. Billingsgate
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Gay, Lesbian, Nuns, priests

Sunday, 3 June 2012

image for Gay And Lesbian Reproductive Rate Lower Than Mendoza Line
One Nun Too Many

BILLINGSGATE POST - The United States Census Bureau released new numbers that indicate that the ability of gays and lesbians to replace themselves through reproduction has fallen below the "Mendoza Line" benchmark.

The importance of this statistic is beyond question because once a given segment of any population group falls below the so-called Mendoza line, it indicates that this particular group will be extinct in a relatively short time. As an example, it is common knowledge that priests and nuns are in short supply in the Catholic Church. It has taken over 20 centuries for this shortage to show up on the spot market. Although the historic replenishment of those claiming celibacy has been artifically augmented by volunteers who take this vow, Cicero was the first historian to put his reputation in question by placing the over-under line of this group sustaining themselves at year 1968.

In Northen Europe and the United States, mostly in the Anglo-Saxon population, men and women are falling behind replacing themselves with offspring. The offshoot of this is that these countries have allowed BFM's (Barbarian F..king Machines) from other nations, where birthing is not frowned upon, to infiltrate their borders to do jobs that Europeans and Americans won't do; ie, procreate.

Obviously, gays and lesbians are fighting a losing battle in this race to replicate oneself. As with the Catholic Church, they have called upon volunteers to come forward to replace the ones dying off. Once again, using Cicero's numbers, the over and under on them being able to sustaim themselves is substantially below the Mendoza Line. Unless the Mayans were correct in predicting the end of the world this year, gays and lesbians will be extinct by 2026.

* Mendoza Line: Mario Mendoza is a former Major League infielder. A lifetime .215 hitter, he is best known as the threshold for batting aptitude. Although the Mendoza Line is actually .200, it signifies a hapless hitter who barely maintains an average that will keep him on a Major League roster. It is noteworthy that this average is now used by statisticians to indicate the percentage of live births necessary to sustain any given population group.

Make Dr. Billingsgate's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 1?

5 3 18 2
60 readers are online right now!

Go to top