In a move that his supporters called brilliant, his detractors called an aberration of intelligence and the rest of us wondering why he ordered out when he could have saved money by eating in with DiGiorno, US President Barak Obama used an executive order to end US unemployment. Addressing the press at a Dominos Pizza parlor at an undisclosed location next to 2144 Pennsylvania Avenue Northwest, Washington DC, Obama stated:
"Fiends, low men and country buffet, lend me 15 dollars so I can pay for my pizza".
He then threw up his hands and laughed proclaiming: "Man is that not the funniest joke of all time? I should start all my speeches with it".
"But, seriously folks, we all know this country's economy has been in the tank because of that dim witted knucklehead from Texas. We know that the economy has not been getting better due to the high unemployment rate that stays high because of that butt-headed bastard from Texas. But, hey I just ended all that with one big executive order".
"I ended unemployment insurance!"
"That's right! Now we have zero percent unemployment! Take that you big dip-headed cretin from Texas".
"So now that there is zero percent unemployment I won't be getting any headaches from those yellow bellied twitter heads from Congress who refuse to pass my jobs bill. Well guess what? I don't need my jobs bill anymore. I only have this to say to those web headed idiots: Fuuuucckkk Yoooouuuu!"
When asked what he would do with the now, not working, formerly unemployed, Obama answered:
"What am I going to do? What am I going to do?
"It's time those lazy fucks got off their butts and get themselves a job. I mean, geez, if you don't want to work hard and earn a lot of money just get a job like Vice President Joe Biden. He doesn't do anything and still gets paid a whole bunch of money".
"Well, this concludes this press conference. I'm going to spend all that money that was supposed to be used for my jobs bill and send it to China to help unemployed Polaroid camera inspectors".