Written by Lou Chase
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Friday, 1 June 2012

SAN FRANCISCO -- A California dairy cow previously identified as having Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy, or Mad Cow Disease, has been euthanized. Federal officials stated that in the last several weeks the cow had been exhibiting classic symptoms of Mad Cow Disease such as lethargy, uncontrollable laughter, taunting other animals on the farm and dry humping the salt licks.

The cow hailed from Tulare County, the nation's number one dairy-producing county and home of the Tulare County fair which is known for its world class fair cuisine. Die hard fair goers make the annual pilgrimage from far and wide to scarf down local goodies such as the Banana Frenzy Milkshake and the Batty Burger Platter.

USDA officials said that cows at a greater risk for catching the disease include those animals who have shown previous neurological problems, those who have been identified as being "downer" animals (no enthusiasm for group activities, such as taking road trips to the slaughter house) and those cows who have been sexually active with 'strange' livestock such as chickens or goats.

This recent news has also brought back into the spotlight the folks at BURGER (Bovine Universal Resurgence Group for Esteem and Respect). BURGER has been lobbying congress for the past few years to officially change the moniker 'Mad Cow Disease' to something more politically correct, such as 'Unreasonable Heifer Affliction' or 'Emotionally Indifferent Barn Dweller's Sickness'.

U.S. health officials have declared that the public is not in danger and that there is absolutely no risk to consumers, as long as they haven't eaten beef in the last 3 years.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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