An American institution is gone. Metro DC police and fire units responded to the 3 AM blaze Friday morning, only to find the entire structure fully engulfed in inflammatory language and falling apart under its own massive weight.
Originally constructed out of conjecture on behalf of an illiterate rural population by the founding fathers of the U.S. Constitution to "allow" proxy voting, it has fallen prey in recent years to critics, claiming that since its present construction in the early 19th century, no class has yet to graduate, no lessons have been learned, and none are likely to be forthcoming.
The fire is believed to have started in the dissembly room.
When asked about the fire's cause being listed as "suspicious", Metro Fire Chief Q. L. Burns just laughed. "Look around you for crying out loud. Find something around here that's not suspicious."