Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Sunday, 27 May 2012

image for Chaos At Airports As Passengers Demand 'All Must Fly Naked'!
Was this a terrorist's attempt to make a nano exploding baseball cap?

Recent warnings from nano scientists that the latest advances in the development of nano-explosives and clothing materials will soon make it possible for terrorists to combine them together to create explosive shirts, dresses, socks, baseball caps, or any kind of explosive articles of clothing has resulted in thousands of American air travelers demanding President Obama bring in a new law immediately to make it compulsory for all air travelers to fly naked.

Many scheduled flights taking off from and landing at America's airports today were carrying only a handful of passengers with many refusing to board after some had refused to undress. Piles of discarded clothes were being left scattered around the terminal floors at airports for flights taking off with those flights carrying totally naked passengers and cabin crew.

There were reports of passengers ripping their clothes off at London's Heathrow Airport this morning then throwing them into the air as they ran naked through terminal 4 towards their flight to New York with reports of injuries to bystanders as boots and shoes came raining down on their heads. After one elderly ticket holder refused to fly without any clothes on the remaining passengers refused to board the flight and were then seen running back to retrieve the clothes they'd earlier discarded.

Many passengers booked onto flights across America are now phoning to cancel bookings saying they will never take to the air again until it's made illegal to fly when dressed.

Airlines at the moment are contractually bound to fly passengers when clothed though a spokesperson for one major airline said today their lawyers were checking to see whether a rule regarding passengers to be 'suitably dressed' during flights could be stretched to make it technically unsuitable for a passenger to wear any clothing at all.

"Unless something is done quickly we'll be seeing many airlines going out of business within a week," warned one airline spokesman. He said, "At the moment many of the planes are taking off and landing with just one or two clothed passengers on them with the rest of the seats empty. On one of our flights today we had just one elderly clothed passenger on the jumbo jet who even then had the audacity to complain when the pilot wanted to wear his cap!"

President Obama issued the following statement from The White House this afternoon;

"I stand before you today in my birthday suit," he began. After loud applause from press men and women he continued, "This is simply to demonstrate support for the good people of our country who have voluntarily flown naked during the last few days. Stay naked but remain calm. Intelligence reports indicate the terrorists may not yet have managed to produce nano articles of explosive clothing without blowing themselves up in their attempts to do so. But of course it is only a matter of time before they discover the way to stop them from going off until a preset time.

'It has also been brought to my attention that many of the well meaning naked passengers on their flights this week had clothes in suitcases. That must stop. Unfortunately a suicide terrorist could easily board a flight naked and yet still have a pair of explosive nanosocks in their luggage. From next Monday it will be compulsory for all air passengers to fly naked, and in addition it will no longer be permitted for any flights entering or flying through American airspace to be carrying any luggage. There will instead be rails of cheap second hand clothes available for passengers to select and wear after arriving at their destinations. Or, if they prefer they can of course, like me, choose from now on to remain naked 24/7. "

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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