Written by Dan Cun
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Tuesday, 22 May 2012

image for Jets Scrambled As Passenger Unfastened Seat Belt To Use Bathroom
Peanuts? No Sir, Asking For Peanuts is A Federal Offence. I have to divert the flight now, and call out the airforce!

Six F-15 fighter jets were scrambled yesterday to escort a transatlantic flight diverted amid a passenger's suspicious behaviour, say US officials.

The plane was due to land in Miami, Florida, but was sent over 5000 miles away to San Diego.

The US Airways flight, with 50 passengers and 4 crew, had taken off from Atlanta just after 11:00 local time on Tuesday.

Transport Security Administration spokeswoman Jonella Culmer told anyone who would lister to her, that agreed she did actually have an important job and agreed with everything she said: "TSA is aware of reports of a passenger who exhibited suspicious behaviour during the flight".

"Out of an abundance of caution and hysteria, as well as just trying to look important and justify our ridiculous existence, the flight was diverted to San Diego, as it was the most inconvinient destination we could think of, where it was met by law enforcement, who were just looking for something to do other than write up tickets for illegally parked vehicles"

A Detroit man had unfastened his seat belt, despit the sign remaining illumanated, to use the bathroom, an offence now punishable by 5 years in jail and/or a $250,000 fine.

Authorities have called his actions "Abhorrent".

Doctors aboard the flight examined the man and said he there was no medical evidence to suggest he had an abnormally weak bladder, added Homeland Security.

The plane was met by state, local and federal law enforcement officers. FBI spokesman Nobby Head declined to say whether anyone was in custody.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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