Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 21 May 2012

image for Mitt Romney Has Said That If He Is Elected President He Promises To Provide Free Blow Dryers To Every American Family
The iRumors News Agency has stated that the free blow dryers will be manufactured by one of Romney's companies.

TOLEDO, Ohio - GOP front runner Mitt Romney was in Toledo speaking at the yearly meeting of The Retired Ohio Blue Tip Kitchen Matches Factory Workers Union 1313.

He told the crowd estimated at between 71 and 74 people including six babies, seven toddlers, and one teenager that he is gaining more and more confidence with each new day.

"Money Mittens" as GOP maven Ann "Trigger" Coulter calls him confessed that even though he is extremely wealthy and is worth a little over $250 million he can still identify with the little people of America.

He told the crowd that he wants everyone to know that he realizes what the the nation's common people such as Walmart greeters, high school coaches, fast food restaurant employees, and even the overweight, mumbling, hate-spewing, know-it-all, has-been, sports analyst Charles "The Fat Bro" Barkley, who gets paid tons of money from TNT to make his arrogantly sarcastic remarks are thinking.

When one crowd member hollered out, "Okay, Richie Rich, My name is Cletus "Bubba" Oxenvox and I work as a feather plucker at a Cackle Cackle Chicken Diner down in Wapakoneta, so what am I thinking."

Romney was taken back and remarked, "Well Mr. Oxenvox, I'm a Republican presidential candidate not a damn mind reader."

"That's exactly what I thought fella." Oxenvox hollered back.

Romney quickly professed that Mr. Oxenvox was thinking that he would like to get a raise so that he could afford to finally buy that brand new Shimano Spirex Spinning Rod & Reel he has always wanted.

Oxenvox hollered back that he was wrong because he hates fishing. Another man angrily yelled out that he also hated fishing as well.

Romney sensing the crowd was starting to turn on him looked at his watch and said that he needed to get back in his $2.7 million state-of-the-art presidential campaign bus and head on over to Cleveland, home of the Cleveland Cavaliers who ended their NBA season at 21-45.

But before he left he told the crowd that when he is elected president he promises that he will provide free blow dryers manufactured in the good old USA to every American family regardless of religious affiliation, political beliefs, or the color of his or her skin.

A Friendly Reminder. May 28, is National Paint Your Mobile Home Day except in Vermont where mobile homes were banned back in 1994.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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