Written by Chrissy Benson
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Tuesday, 15 May 2012

image for Bank of America Decides to Run for President
Go with the Big Money Party! is Bank of America's presidential campaign slogan.

Bank of America President and CEO Brian Moynihan is no lawyer, but even so, the 2010 case Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission, in which the U.S. Supreme Court held that for purposes of the First Amendment right to free speech, corporations are "people", got him thinking.

Says Moynihan, "I don't usually pay much attention to legal stuff, but when I found out that Bank of America is a person, I realized it had a lot of potential opportunities."

After brainstorming some possible career paths for the financial institution, Moynihan, together with the bank's Board of Directors and other executive officers, decided to toss the bank's hat into the ring for the 2012 American presidency.

"Of course, the bank doesn't literally have a hat," acknowledged Moynihan. "But since it's legally a person, it could."

Moynihan feels that the bank has a good shot at winning the election, as many Americans desire a strong third-party candidate. In addition, Bank of America expects to garner a great deal of support from the Occupy Wall Street movement.

"After all, who else would they vote for?" noted Moynihan. "We already do occupy it!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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