Written by JAB
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Topics: Terrorism, Penis

Saturday, 12 May 2012

image for Penis Bomber Thwarted at Boston's Logan Airport
Freddie Laker

BOSTON, MA ---The FBI thwarted a suspected would-be-suicide bomber scheduled to fly Laker Airways flight 666 to London's Heathrow airport. The 'man' in custody is identified as Gregory Pecker. FBI agents are still in the early stage of the investigation and are still uncertain whether the individual is "connected to a terrorist organization or someone who has a rage against the system."

Mr. Pecker was searched and detained by TSA security officers. Security officer John Doe No.1 noticed Mr. Pecker's scrotum didn't match a certain profile. "I must see at least 500 bean bags a day and this one just didn't seem normal," said Mr. Doe No. 1. John Doe No.2, a penis profile expert, said, "I thought the angle of the dangle was suspicious and called my supervisor."

Supervisor Harvey Wallbanger ordered a full pat down and cavity search. It was discovered that Mr. Pecker's artificial scrotum and penis were covering female genitalia. "The 'scrotum' was filled with what looked like some sort of explosive, with the 'penis' being the detonator," said an FBI agent at the scene.

The FBI is analyzing a rambling letter found on the suspect, parts of which read:

My name is Norah Pecker. I was born Gregory Pecker and had a transgender operation 40 years ago. The Washington Post recently said that Governor Mitt Romney bullied me, because I may have been gay, nearly 50 years ago. I don't know why this is being brought up now, after 50 years. I thought it was behind me and I could lead a happy normal life instead of being thrust in the spotlight. Where are my rights as a private citizen?

The Washington Post used the words Negroes 60 years ago and Japs before that and words like retarded, stewardesses, midgets, lobotomy and so on. Are they going to apologize for those words and things of the past because they are now PC?

Our country is in the throes of an economic meltdown that will affect generations of Americans, if people don't have jobs and a secure economic future. We don't need politicians, Republican or Democrat or the media, mud raking past indiscretions that have no bearing on where we are going and who will lead us there. These things make people even more cynical than they all ready are. We want the good things of the past to guide us going forward not the negativism of what happened yesterday.

When you analyze my 'junk,' you'll find it is harmless and was only meant to draw attention to the insanity, not of me, but of the direction we are being led by some politicians and some in the media.

The Washington Post commenting on the letter said, "We will continue to look at Governor Romney's teenage and pre-teen years-- it's what sells."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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