Mitt Romney, apparently operating on a whim, called a press conference late yesterday to announce plans for the GOP convention in Tampa this summer. His staff was unaware of his plans according to a staff member speaking on condition of anonymity.
According to media reports, Romney was ebullient as he took the podium. "Well, my friends," he began, "We have a convention planned that will not only be historic in nature and meaningful in content, but also fun and educational for all."
Howard Fineman from Politico called out, "Tell us about it, Governor!"
"No problemo," answered Romney with a chuckle, "First, here's the fun stuff! We are having a gala on the opening night starting with a giant midget toss!" Romney paused, evidently not noticing the shaking of heads in the press corps. "This is one for the entire family as they watch the little fellas scream as they are tossed from the Arizona delegation to the state of Washington delegates. This is a big tent party and family is important too, my friends. Therefore we are sponsoring a wingless fly circus wherein the children and their parents can pull the wings off flies together during the day and then have a wingless fly circus that night It will be a gas!"
A reporter from the Boston Globe called out, "Governor, How about events for the minorities attending the convention?"
"No problemo," smiled Romney, "I was getting to that! First of all, we are providing free transportation to the African Americans who will attend. They can share the cab to the convention hall and we will pick up the bill. As for our Log Cabin Republicans, we have arranged for gala, back of the bus parties from their Motel 6 in Key West to the convention hall here in Tampa. Free haircuts will be provided in route and they will be welcomed at the back door by Marcus Bachmann and his all-male choir singing "Pray the Gay Away!" Believe me, they will feel loved!"
In related news an observant journalist from the Huffington Post reports seeing Ann Romney leave the room through a back door while cursing softly under her breath. The same journalist reports he heard Romney call after her, "Hey Ann, don't you want to talk abou the Ma Jong party for the yellow ladies?"