WASHINGTON DC - Congress was bypassed on yet another front this morning as the President signed an executive order, number K9666, requiring all dogs in the United States be socialized.
As the President signed the order, sporting a bandage on his leg where he may have been recently bitten by a dog owned by the majority leader of the house, he stated:
"I've had it with nasty canines. The one that bit me is going to a reeducation camp today. There, all his teeth will be removed, and he will learn how to heal. We will see how a little fluoride in his water changes that nasty barking and snapping of his.
"This order will mandate that all dogs be subject to serve a minimum of two years in a reeducation camp, based on certain traits that they display. I'm bringing in dog handlers from around the world to assist in a great round-up of nasty dogs.
"By this time next year, all dogs will be socialized."
Rumors are floating around the capital building that dogs that do not make it through the program will be given lethal doses of aspartame.