BILLINGSGATE POST - In a speech before the National Scissor Butt Thesbians and Lisping Sportswriters of America, President Obama announced today that America's toughest sheriff and its weakest Attorney General are engaged to be married after the November election.
Saying how proud he was that the two of them, one white and the other black, both males, could put aside their differences and be bonded by the holy sacrament of matrimony. The proposed marriage comes in the wake of negotiations between the Justice Department and the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office that seemed acrimonious at times. Ironically, instead of driving the two of them apart, the shrill din of their parrying seemed to bind them even closer together.
Attorney General Holder, the ganja smoking idealist, will exchange vows bedecked in a pink and white smock designed by Sheriff Arpaio to bring out the latent femininity of his betrothed. The sheriff, unwilling to provide many details of the pending union, offered that "he would be packing heat," just in case Holder got overly rambunctious during the ceremony.
Citing his recent embrace of gay couples being allowed to marry, President Obama said that if he is re-elected, he will himself unite the two of them together in the sacred union of matrimony as the first act of his second term as president. But he will not watch the couple's first kiss because he thinks it disgusting.