Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: Mitt Romney

Friday, 4 May 2012

All major media outlets are reporting today that the GOP is getting behind Mitt Romney in his run for president. All of his opponents in the primaries have lined up to endorse him. The problem is, reports Politico, If you don't have 20/20 vision, you'd be hard put to see them. One enterprising journalist researched mirages and found this to be the first time in recorded history of seeing a mirage on all four quadrants of the horizon at the same time!

Paul Krugman of the New York Times said in his column this morning that it's a case of, "Now you see em, now you don't." Krugman reports that rumors abound on the internet that Rick Santorum was waterboarded by members of Karl Rove's Super Pac, American Crossroads. Rove denies the rumor and says Santorum made the decision himself preferring it to a sharp stick in the eye.

The Romney campaign is also denying that Michele Bachmann had to be escorted to her press conference endorsing Romney by aides holding barf bags. "The fact is," said an aide, "Michele told us she had a bad taste in her mouth, and that's that!"

As the news started to appear on the internet, Newt Gingrich issued his own statement on his endorsement of Romney: "The scurrilous rumors that the left wing Jew dominated east coast media is spreading is just another example of, tell a lie long enough and it becomes the truth. I was NOT dragged kicking and screaming to the press conference because of my endorsement of the Mormon. The fact is, I had just gotten my Tiffany's bill!"

In related news, Ron Paul issued a two word statement, "Who's Romney?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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