Written by K.C. Bell
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Sunday, 16 April 2006

image for Mission Accomplished To Mission Impossible
How many windows left in the White House?

Or, the President was indiscreet.

At a White House press briefing, Scott McClellan attempted to explain what President Bush really, really meant when announcing Mission Accomplished. Though a mission, it wasn't accomplished because it sort of became impossible. The president was only half wrong. By a word. The president's Mission Impossible is not to be confused with the recently released Tom Cruise film of the same name or Mr. Cruise's equally impossible mission of having fiancee Katie Holmes deliver his child in a drug free, scream free environment. This anticipated birth is kind of becoming a reality show version of Rosemary's Baby.

"You mean they found out the trailers weren't mobile biological WMD labs?"

McClellan went on to add, the daily report of scandal by the media of the Bush administration's picadillos is reckless and irresponsible, discouraging troop morale, giving aid and comfort to the enemy, not helping the war against terror, the moat defense, and we're fighting them over there instead of here. Whew.

"You mean they know we've been taking payola from Indians to play golf in Scotland?"

In contrast, there is growing sympathy and admiration for Saddam Hussein's miraculous success at keeping his dysfunctional nation of three warring knife throwing, car bombing tribes in order for the last twenty years. Perhaps, once upon a time, Saddam was also a cheerful sofa hopping Tom Cruise type, keeping his country together, and one thing led to the next, and he evolved into the wild eyed Saddam Hussein we see on trial today for war crimes. Afterall, he likes Sinatra.

"Isn't it treason to reveal the identity of a C.I.A. agent?"

Like the leg lamp in the classic film, The Christmas Story, a new scandal from the Bush administration is switched on daily, oozing from windows of the White House for all the world to see. Smack up front on Pennsylvania Avenue: black stiletto heel, fish net stocking and fringed tasseled lamp shade; no curtains to hide behind.

"The deputy press secretary of Homeland Security was arrested for attempting to seduce a minor over the Internet?"

United Mess International and Associated Guess predict the Democrats will win both the House and Senate in the November election, followed by the impeachment of Cheney and Bush, and swearing in of - third in line for the Presidency - Democratic House majority leader, Nancy Pelosi; birth mother of five, presumably without use of the Tom Cruise birthing method.

"Liddy fingered Ari Fleischer and Karl Rove?"

Switch on another lamp for a White House window.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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