Written by The rat
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Topics: Dick Cheney, Future

Thursday, 13 April 2006

image for Condoleeza Rice Accepts Role In Vampire Movie
Star of Steven Spielberg's, "The Blood Countess"

Now that Dick Cheney has come out in public and said he would never accept Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice as his future Vice President, she has been looking around for a change of career.

Ever since she was a child she has had a fascination with Vlad the Impaler, Count Dracula, werewolves and the nocturnal blood drinking female vampires of Transylvania. So, on her recent visit to Europe, she fulfilled a dream and secretly spent a few days touring Walachia, the area within Romania known as the historical stomping ground for such flesh-crawling creatures.

She has long had a desire to make it big on the world's stage but has expressed some dissatisfaction with being a mere mouthpiece for the Dick Cheney led Republican administration and that she would like to be recognised as a celebrity in her own right.

On her first night in Sighisoara, a mediaeval town which Vlad the Impaler called home, she checked in to a local hotel and was greeted by a direct descendant of Count Dracula and shown to a room where, years ago, many hapless souls were drained of their bodily fluids.

According to a source of information close to the Secretary of State, on retiring to bed that night she couldn't sleep and became so excited with the history of the place she underwent a transformation and long-hidden, below-the-surface latent desires began to stir within her. It was then she resolved to resign from her post in the administration and try her hand at showing her talents in horror movies.

On her return to the US it so happened that Steven Spielberg was in the process of scouting around for talent to appear in a block-buster remake movie of "The Blood Countess". When he learned that Condoleeza was hankering after a role he got her on the ‘phone and signed her up right away.

Later, Spielberg was heard to say, "I couldn't believe my luck, I've long held the belief that Condoleeza was a perfect character for the part as it's about Elizabeth Bathory, a 17th century Hungarian countess who murdered 600 female virgins and bathed in their warm blood to keep herself forever young".

"I'm also on the lookout for someone to take the lead role in "The Massacre at Bucharest". I'll see if I can use Condoleeza's influence to recruit Ronald Dumsfeld".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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