HARFOLD, Vt. - Levaquin (levofloxacin) has been approved by the FDA for the treatment and prevention of the plague. The only problem is that the FDA's decision comes some 665 years after the new drug would've done any goddamn good.
"Unless you send back a bottle of this stuff in a time machine to 1347," says Robert "Doc" Tussler, European Studies instructor at Harfold State College, "you're talking about a drug that maybe a thousand people on the planet would probably give a rat's ass about."
Responsible for wiping out up to 100 million Europeans in the 14th century, it's unclear why scientists have spent so much time and money trying to come up with a treatment for a disease whose last real outbreak occurred in the 1890s in China.
"The irony," added Tussler, "is that of the thousand people who might contract the plague in a year, maybe six or seven of them will actually have access to the drug."