South Carolina - A one time campaigning reporter and Myrtle Beach resident has described how freaked Skull And Bonesmen are pleading the fifth about the existence of a massive 'Frankenstein' snake captured at a St Augustine, Florida fairway last week.
"Fears abound it's the product of a Bonesmen's eugenics lab in vitro experiment," Capt Bunker Balls said today as pictures of the
15ft Eastern Diamondback rattlesnake flooded cyberspace.
"Still doesn't exactly explain how come the snake's a dead ringer facially for William Jefferson Clinton, hehe."
The Bonesmen's shadowy perversion cult has long paraded details of George Bush One and Two as its leading member/donor alumni amid decades of patronage for notorious services rendered.
Those filthy deeds are coming to light this week as veterinarian pathologists examining the monster calculate the huge snake 'may been alive ever since George Bush Sr was President nigh nearly 25 years ago'.
Hell, the captured bastard may have been around before that, maybe since Bush 1's daze at Langley over 40 years ago where he shared an orifice with CIA director Bush ...'maybe even a bed with him'.
"Clinton's a hybrid who toiled for the Bushes," Balls Bunker added this evening, "gawd only knows how that same Bonesmen's eugenics experiment gave him a daughter the spitting image of Debbie Wasserman Schultz, yuck!"
The beastie's capture may be a boon, however, to Florida's upmarket shoe, handbag and belt manufacturing artisans who are always on the lookout for decent lengths of snakeskin produce.
A wallet fashioned from the Clinton crawler could easily retail at $1,000.
With special thanks to Myrtle Beach Steve