Written by Lyndon
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Sunday, 22 April 2012

image for Elderly man is getting close to locating Syria on Google Maps
Waters disgruntled that Syria is stealing newspaper space from local flea market news

HARFOLD, Vt. - Benjamin Waters, 83, is so sick and tired of hearing and reading about Syria in the news every fucking day that he's getting really close to actually finding out where it is.

"I keep telling myself, 'Who gives a crap?'" Waters said, who for his age, is still quite nimble. "But for cripe's sake, there it is everyday in the news."

A resident of Harfold's "Heaven's Gate," for the past nine years, Waters' routine includes sitting down each morning with his coffee at one of three terminals connected to the Internet so that he can read the news.

"This cheap-butt outfit only subscribes to two copies of The Harfold Herald, so to wait around for one of those is a waste of time. And we ain't got too much of that to go around here."

For the past several months, though, Waters hasn't derived the same pleasure from reading the news.

"The top story everyday is Syria bombing this, somebody bombing Syria. I'm tired of it. Why do we give a crap-a-doodle about some frigged-up African country anyway?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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