Amidst the media's speculation about presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney's choice for a running mate, it came as a major shock today when he announced his decision: Mitt Romney has chosen Mitt Romney.
When asked what would happen if he was incapacitated or killed in office, Romney dismissed concerns: "If I die in office, I'll still be president. It's that simple."
This move by the Romney campaign confirms earlier reports that as governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney hired a personal research team to produce his cyber clone. Our sources tell us that there are now three fully functioning Romney-bots, and his research team is prepared to produce a dozen more within the next few months.
Some have charged that this was a vain move by a candidate who is already having trouble relating to everyday American people. When asked if he thought that this would make him seem even more elitist and out of touch with real issues, Romney fired back: "Why do you insist on punishing success? Not only am I a job creator, I also create job creators."
Regardless of whether the public will interpret high-tech cloning as elitist, it's clear that Mitt Romney will now be able to relate to all the other Mitt Romneys.
Some have wondered if the existence of multiple Romneys helps explain his history of flip-flopping. The scientists we spoke to ensured us that the clones flip-flop simultaneously, and it is virtually impossible to tell them apart based on policy. However, there are rumors that Romney's support for health care reform in Massachusetts was a programming issue.
Others are worried. At the rate he can now produce clones, Romney could have a virtual army of Mittites by the 2014 election. Both Democrats and Republicans fear that by the end of his potential first term, the Romney clones could control the senate. Given the opportunity, Mitt Romney would also most likely appoint Mitt Romney to the US Supreme Court.
Some point out that it has not yet occurred to Romney that creating clones will actually diminish his wealth. It's uncertain if the clones will have to file taxes separately, but the original Romney will certainly find himself in a higher tax bracket.