Written by waterman
Print this

Monday, 16 April 2012

image for Biden Rent Costs Prostitutes

The big news of the weekend once again involved the President of Vice, Joe Biden. This time the attacks were two-pronged. Some might say, much like Biden's tail.

In story one, it was learned that last year, the PV earned $20,900 in rental income from leasing "cottage" space at his personal property to the Secret Service. Mr. Biden is, of course, under 24 hour Secret Service protection. Mrs. Biden said that the rental agreement insures that the agents assigned to her husband will be in close proximity all times. Speaking quietly so her husband standing next to her wouldn't hear, she told a reporter, "He really needs to be watched 24 / 7. He swallows his foot so often, it's just imperative that we have trained personnel at arm's reach to perform the Heimlich maneuver on a moment's notice."

When asked for his comment on the growing criticism from political opponents regarding Biden's pecuniary boldness, Biden responded "Huh"? Upon repeat of the question, he said "Aw, C'mon guys! That's just the usual run-of-the-mill politics of personal destruction that the right does so well. They make a big f… ing out of everything. You all know how it really is. We all like to make a buck or two when we can. And besides, I was tired of being called a no-rent bum."

To be fair, the Biden's are struggling. They fall on the low end of upper 1% of income earners, with an adjusted gross income of only $379,035 in 2011. Despite their impoverishment, the Biden's did set a new high standard for philanthropy by progressives, giving nearly 1.5% of their earnings to charity (up from 1.4% in 2009). This included a magnanimous gift of $50 to the Wounded Warrior Project. "I feel a real connection to those guys and gals who get hurt on the job for Barack and me. They need a better union," he said.

When a PBS reporter meekly pointed out to the Vice President that Mitt Romney gifted over 15% of his income to charity the last two years, Biden retorted "Well, maybe so, but at least I didn't give mine to some crazy church."

Story number two involves a Biden connection to the Secret Service debacle involving agents and prostitutes in Cartagena, Columbia. The scandal involved eleven elite agents who were sent to that country in advance of President Obama's visit this past weekend. The agents apparently got caught up in the hot night life of the tropic city, and ended up inviting eleven hookers to their hotel rooms. The whole mess unraveled after one agent refused to pay a female enticer the $47 that she said was due for her services. The lady in question refused to leave the hotel room, an argument ensued, and eventually police were called.

After senior Secret Service Agent Thomas I. Kneadsit was questioned by local authorities for several hours, officials in Washington pulled all eleven wayward agents back to the US. Upon their arrival at Dulles airport, one agent who requested anonymity broke the Agency's code of silence on internal affairs (in this case, external affairs). He told a reporter for the E network, "We never would have been caught if it weren't for Crazy Joe. It wasn't that we didn't want to pay the hookers their due. We simply didn't have enough money. The Agency has been shaking us all down for a couple years now to help pay for the lease of that special space at Biden's house. And to make matters worse, there is talk in the agency that this year the President is going to try and pull the same trick for our detail stationed at 1600" (the White House).

Jay Carney, spokesman for the White House, denied that rumor. He told reporters that President Obama has directed the FBI to conduct a special investigation to see if there is a "Bush connection".

Make waterman's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 multiplied by 2?

4 21 16 6
65 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more