Washington - "A terrible thing to happen in your husband's re-erection - uh...re-election! - year, Ma'am," was how one hang-dog protection officer put it to Michelle Obama this weekend.
The First Lady is livid amid reports that a dozen Secret Service agents assigned to protect her husband are in the doghouse following an intimate inspection of Colombia's famous 'personal services' industry.
They were relieved from duty when one was caught checking out the local talent ahead of Barack Obama's arrival at the Summit of the Americas in Cartagena, Colombia.
The city is renowned for the beauty of its women, the purity of its exotic white nasal powders and much more backsides - uh...besides!
Now the US's entire economic and rough trade agenda in Latin America is in doubt as questions pile up about the probity of the US Secret Service.
At the White House this morning aides of Mrs Obama were staying tight-lipped on the issue of whether any of the disgraced 12 agents had also been on a recent trip to Mexico assigned to protecting Malia Obama on her vacation.
Seasoned Capitol Hill observers reckon the First Lady may now insist her husband's protection racket - uh...protection team! - is replaced with a personally-vetted, Colonel Gaddafi-style all-female Amazonian Guard.
First Mother-in-law Marian Robinson has offered to lend a hand in the selection and training process for the new squad.
Potential recruits are advised to send in their CV and photograph c/o the Special Diplomatic Corpse (sic) that's equipped to personally vet all candidates.
No one over the age of 25 stands a chance.