After three years into George W. Bush's "Liberation" of Iraq, the levels of violence in Baghdad seem to be rapidly approaching those found in the streets of Washington DC.
For the third consecutive year, Washington DC has run away with the title as the nation's "Murder Capital".
While Los Angeles had the most murders in 2005 followed closely by Chicago and Detroit, Washington DC was streets ahead in the homicide stakes on a per capita basis. New York, once proudly held the title but didn't even figure in the top ten according to the latest study.
Vincento Sorrenti, one of New York's most feared mobsters and mutilators said, "Yeah, so we slipped down the rankings last year but I got a feeling next year we'll be up there with the best of them". When asked to justify this prediction he said, "Ok, a few of the boys have been holed up in jail for a few years and they've been out of action but when they get out they've got a few scores to settle so the local undertakers won't be short of business".
When pressed on how New York would match Washington DC's figures, he said, "Listen scumbag, why don't you take that microphone and ram it where the sun don't shine before you become the latest statistic?"
According to the US Army's latest recruiting figures, It's not the nation's high schools but Washington DC's Police Department is where they're getting their greatest successes. It seems a policeman's lot in the nation's capital is no bed of roses compared to a cushy Baghdad or Fallujah posting.
Long suffering DC Detective O'hooligan who'd been battling drug dealers and gun runners in downtown DC for the past 5 years said, "Since I've been in the police department I've been mugged, shot at, kidnapped, framed and burgled. I can't wait to get me into a US Marine outfit and start enjoying some Middle Eastern sunshine".
This fertile breeding ground for hardened and experienced combatants has not been lost on Secretary of Defence Rumsfeld. He has begun an intensive recruiting program among the cops of DC.