Written by Danny Williams
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Saturday, 14 April 2012

image for Ann Romney's Burdens of Motherhood Laid Bare

Earlier this week, former democratic lobbyist Hillary Rosen accused Ann Romney, wife of current GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney, of having "never worked a day in her life." Clearly incensed, Ann Romney took to a podium on her husband's campaign trail to rightfully remind everyone that her role as a mother of five children should not be discounted.

"I'd wager ten-thousand dollars that Mrs. Rosen has no notion of the work involved in hiring a single nanny - never mind the number of nannies I've had to hire. Honestly, I've had to do it so many times, I've lost count."

Mrs. Romney shook her head in disgust.

"I, myself, called the agencies. I, myself, interviewed every single one of those women. Or, if they didn't speak English, I, myself, hired a translator to interview them."

Those in attendance of Mrs. Romney's indignant rebuttal uttered groans in apparent empathy as she detailed some of the grueling tasks she's had to perform in the name of motherhood over the decades.

"How many so-called "working women" can say they've had to sit on a couch for an hour trying to explain to some former Guatemalan farmhand the importance of adding the right moisturizers and fragrances to a young boy's bath? How many of these women who claim some sort of moral superiority have had to hire a squadron of lifeguards to watch over five large swimming pools just to keep her children safe from drowning on any given day? I'd be willing to bet that Mrs. Rosen has never faced such dilemmas - in fact, make it twenty-thousand."

Mrs. Romney, clearly distraught by the recollection of her trials and tribulations, began to lose her composure as a tear was seen to well up in her left eye. From her right, Mr. Romney, understandably concerned, produced a diamond-studded silk handkerchief from the breast pocket of his Armani suit and handed it to his beloved in a comforting, yet awkwardly robotic, gesture. "There, there, Dear," He said, patting her stiffly on the shoulder.

Mrs. Romney gathered her strength and continued.

"I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry, Mitt. It's just that I feel like I'm in a war, here. There are people out there who seem to want to demean women like me, and I just don't understand."

At this point Mr. Romney gently, but stiffly, moved his wife aside and took back the podium.

"You see this, people?," Mr Romney asked. "This is what I'm talking about. Mrs. Rosen's insensitive comments are merely a foreshadowing of things to come if Obama is re-elected. If that happens it will mean an all-out war on our women-folk."

The crowd of Republicans moaned and grumbled loudly at the possibility.

"I don't know about you," Romney continued, "but I don't like to see my sweetie-pie cry. Just imagine a world where your homemakers are in the kitchen, working their little fannies off making you that cherry pie, but with a new, extra ingredient: tears. That's where we're headed..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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