SANFORD, FL (ABSNN) Attorney General Eric Holder told the press today that "The Heart of Dixie needs immediate by-pass surgery," in the wake of the shooting death of Traynor Martin, a black teenaged gang-banger at the hands of a white man, George Zimmerman. Zimmerman is now charged with Second Degree Murder and is in custody at the John Polk Law Enforcement Center's Jail in Seminole County. Zimmerman said he would plead "Not Guilty," to the charge.
There is no doubt that Zimmerman shot to death 17-year-old Traynor Martin. Sanford Police Chief Bill Lee confirmed that Zimmerman was brought in by police on the Sunday night of the shooting but was released for lack of evidence of a crime. His release prompted an invasion of the town by civil rights spokesmen such as the Reverend Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and others who held huge rallies of Sanford African Americans, and others who had never heard of Sanford a town some 13 miles north of Orlando.
"The child was shot down like a dog," claimed the dead man's parent's attorney, a man held so highly in esteem by his community that no one ever heard of him before.
Zimmerman said he shot Martin in self-defense and acted under the "Stand Your Ground Law," a law that allows a man to shoot another instead of attempting to flee the fight.
"That such a law exists is illegal, immoral, and racially motivated," said AG Holder. "The Heart of Dixie is comprised by the old Confederate States of America," said Holder. "We intend to reconstruct Reconstruction and Radical Republicanism throughout the South, starting in Florida," he told reporters.
"President Obama has opted to 'by-pass' the whites in the South in an operation to secure the blessings of liberty to all gang-bangers of color, especially those who 'stray into gated, white bastions of white people' and bring them to their knees by literally dragging them kicking and screaming into the 21st century,: said Holder.
South Carolina immediately seceded from the Union quickly followed by Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee, Texas and Arizona.
"It's the same old story," said one unreconstructed Rebel. "A man shoots a black guy and thousands of black people get their noses outta joint and we get reinvaded by Yankee Communist Sympathizers and, ah shit…."
Holder said Obama will federalize all National Guard troops of color to carry out the by-pass operation. What a funny story!