Written by Crass Clown
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Topics: Congress, Guns, Law

Thursday, 12 April 2012

image for Florida's "Stand Your Ground" Law Inspires "Shoot 'em While You Can" and Other Initiatives

Despite its controversial status, Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law has suddenly inspired new legislation in Texas, Oklahoma, and Georgia.

Texas: The legislature is currently considering a bill known as the "Shoot 'em While You Can" initiative. Supporters say that the bill addresses the problem of bad guys getting away. Under this law, peaceful citizens would have the right to shoot a suspect in the back from up to 100 feet away as long as the suspect is acting suspiciously. According to the potential law, suspicious activity includes loitering, looking around, not looking around, and of course, running away when pursued.

Oklahoma: In an attempt to make it easier for law abiding citizens to seek out and punish criminals, the legislature passed a group of laws now referred to as the "Invade and Save" laws. They provide protection to people who suspect that their neighbors are up to something but feel helpless to find out for sure. Now Oklahomans are allowed to unexpectedly storm their neighbors' homes and search through their personal belongings without even contacting the police. Most importantly, the citizen on patrol is encouraged to use deadly force if the suspicious resident puts up any resistance, or, for that matter, if the suspicious resident even asks what's going on.

Georgia: The legislature is considering a bill tentatively called "Better Safe than Sorry." It attempts to give Georgia's more cautious citizens the right to protect themselves before it's too late. One Atlanta supporter claims, "If you wait until the crime is committed, then you can't stop the crime. In order to stop crime, we've got to kill the criminals before they become criminals." This bill would effectively allow anyone to shoot anyone at any time as long as the killer/protector can testify under oath that they had good intentions. Essentially, it's an honor system.

Supporters of Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law are thrilled that so many states are seeing the advantage of laws that empower good people to kill. In the coming months, we may very well see more states adopting similar measures.

Rumors are already going around that a number of US Senators are considering a federal mandate requiring all US citizens to carry a gun at all times. Supporters claim that this mandate would actually have two major advantages. It would simultaneously curtail the crime rate and excessive population growth. Essentially no criminal would ever have the chance to commit a crime. Mostly likely they'd be shot well before even thinking of it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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