ROMNEY, WV (ABSNN) Republican front-runner Mitt Romney lost his penis somewhere in Pennsylvania. He blames his Secret Service protection detail. The news of the lost penis was made public this morning in this tiny West Virginia town on the Maryland border.
"I cannot account for the last time I know that I saw my penis," a shaken Romney told reporters outside the Polish Pines Golf Resort. "I would have expected the Secret Service Protection Detail to have kept better track of my thing(s)."
President Obama ordered the FBI to immediately search the states of Pennsylvania, Maryland and West Virginia for Romney's penis.
"This could happen to anybody in the heat of a campaign," said the President. "And I should know. I've lost my vision and my message."
Some sources within the Secret Service claim Romney never had a penis. Others are not sure.
"We'll look into it."