Written by JAB
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Topics: Canada

Sunday, 8 April 2012

image for Oh! Canada & Miss Universe
"Oh Canada,we Stand on Guard for Thee"

VANCOUVER, BC --- Jenna Talackova, a transgender woman, is vying to represent Canada in the Ms. Universe Contest. She was temporarily disqualified by Donald Trump whose company owns the Ms. Universe Pageant because she was not a 'natural born female.'

In an exclusive interview with Barbara Walters Ms. Talackova talked about her life.

Ms. Walters asked Talackova, when she was young and known as Walter, whether she played with dolls or would watch reruns of baby seals being clubbed to death. Ms. Talackova remembers, watching Hockey Night in Canada, and being especially fond of analyst Don Cherry, 'Not many people know it but his high school yearbook only shows a Donna Cherry graduating that year.'

When asked whether she was ever a Vancouver Grizzlies' basketball fan or preferred synchronized swimming, Jenna said, 'I just can't get into watching seven foot men dribbling their balls and getting two points for dunking them in a basket.'

Ms. Walters curious about the physical change from Walter to Jenna asked, whether, 'Your cameltoe might be different than mine?' 'I would have to say your cameltoe probably looks like an old flip flop with a bunion on the big toe compared to mine, Barbara.'

Despite being asked by Walters, Jenna was evasive when it came to her current romantic interests but when pressed as to who she'd would rather lose her virginity to, Justin Bieber or Celine Dion, claimed, she didn't like man hands, 'so it would have to be Beebs.'

As to where her life goes from here and whether she would consider becoming a Mountie, Ms. Talackova said anything is possible, 'the Mounties always get their man,' she said with a wink.

Asked, what Jeopardy question she'd like fellow Canadian, Alex Trebek, to ask concerning her life, 'Oh, that's easy, -- who was the dumb bitch that interviewed a woman who had a compelling story about transgender but instead chose to ask assine questions.'

Next week Barbara Walters, will sit down for an exclusive interview with Charles Manson, to 'discuss the wonderful art of a swastika tattoo that he put on his own forehead.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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