Reince Priebus, Chairman of the Republican National Committee held a press conference this morning to announce that President Barack Obama and the Democratic establishment had declared a war on head lice in the US.
Priebus stated in his opening remarks, "Head lice have been in our country since the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock, since the Revolutionary War, since the brave sons of the South bravely fought the northern aggression, and since we defeated the Nazis in World War 2. Head lice are as a part of our national heritage as bed bugs and dating your cousin!"
Priebus, seemingly agitated by new poll results showing the Democrats were enjoying a huge advantage in the female vote thanks to the GOP stance on Women's issues, finished with the following; "The Democratic party has become a party of effete snobs, fuzzy headed college professors, and Fancy Nancy's! They don't fool anybody! Obviously, their strategy is to disaffect our base and cut down our turnout on Election Day!"