Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 7 April 2012

image for Mississippi Has Just Outlawed "Hoodies"
Mississippi Civil War troops shown at The Battle of Rusty Skillet Creek, Tennessee. (Photo courtesy of Mrs. Matthew Brady).

JACKSON, Mississippi - The state of Mississippi Senate has stated that in an effort to avoid what has occurred in Sanford, Florida, they will be enacting a state senatorial directive.

Mississippi State Senatorial Directive T-17003 is to take effect at 12:01 a.m. on Monday, April 16, 2012.

MSSD T-17003 will make it illegal for any man, woman, or child to wear a so called "Hoodie" garment within the state of Mississippi.

State Senator Thibodeaux P. Quackenpacker, III, spearheaded the state directive which received the necessary votes needed to put it into order.

The senator is proud of the fact that back in 1863, his great, great, grandfather General Erasmus Zackariah Quackenpacker fought in the Civil War and defeated a division of Yankees at the Battle of Rusty Skillet Creek, Tennessee, with just one Confederate platoon.

Senator Quackenpacker received the support of every senator in Mississippi except for Senator Cletus "Contrary Cal" Calafunker, 91.

He went on to state that he plans to introduce a senatorial implementation sanction against Senator Calafunker which will cause him to forfeit the use of his assigned Senate Building parking space.

Senator "Contrary Cal" will also lose 98 percent of his retirement benefits, his NCAA football games discount, and he will be fined $45,000 for failure to vote with the majority of the esteemed Mississippi senators.

As the fabulously attractive (and amazingly single) Senator Mildred "Millie" Ugglebox, 29, of Biloxi noted, "The 'Non-Hoodie Act' is intended to insure the safety, well being, and mental normality of every citizen of Mississippi regardless of religion, political affiliation, gender, financial situation, color, intrastate geographical location, or emotional stability."

FOOTNOTE: Any citizen of Mississippi or visitor to Mississippi who violates The Mississippi State Senatorial Directive T-17003 or "The Non-Hoodie Act" will be arrested, incarcerated, and fined a non-negotiable amount of $7,153.65.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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