WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) President Barack Obama is resigning at the end of April to allow for the installment of the first British Monarch to rule over the North American "colonies' since George III. As of May 1, 2012, Prince William, Duke of Cambridge will become King of the United Colonies of America, Canada, France and a host of other continental nations.
"His time has come; my time is past. The future greatness of our struggling nation will be in in the hands of younger, more beautiful people. We all especially love his (soon to be) Queen, Kate, and welcome them with all humility and reverence," said Obama to a stunned press.
Born William Arthur Philip Louis (God, what a handle!) he is apparently capable of handling so many names he is a sure bet to be able to conquer poverty, disparity among classes and the dull, often boring day to day life Americans suffer through, said some in the audience. Celebrities in the film and music industry are agog with anticipation of a new day arising upon the Coronation that is scheduled as soon as The Church of England can erect a suitable site.
Our Southern brethren led by South Carolina, is threatening to again succeed from the Union, or what is to be left of the Union. Nine other former Confederate States have indicated that they will follow, and seeing how they have the majority of military bases in the US, it is doubtful anybody could or should attempt to force them to remain.
"I don't know who William is and don't really care. My King is Jesus," said controversial Kentucky Senator Rand Paul. "We'll shoot the bastard if he comes down here," he threatened.
Most public reaction is that this announcement is somehow a late April fool's joke.
"Nope; I'm gone. William is in, May 1, 2012. I had to do this. Thespoof.com is in a state of war between writers in the UK and writers in the US. The fate of spoof-dom lays in the balance," said Obama.