Written by ej moore
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Topics: America, Senate

Wednesday, 29 March 2006

image for Katherine Harris declared Best Female Parody of 2006

Rep. Katherine Harris who recently declared she would spend all her liquid assets to secure a seat in the U.S. Senate, was today declared Best Female Parody of 2006 by the Parody Writers Association of America (PWAA).

"With that overdone boob job," said veteran parody writer, Slammit Holme, "how could anyone ever take her seriously?"

Harris, who earlier today promised "perky tits" to every female voter in the state of Florida, told reporters that she was "committed to uplifting every Floridian female's hanging chads," adding that "my platform is definitely going forward, onward, and upward."

Harris, who recently inherited $10 million dollars from her father, has declared that she will spend every last penny for her female constituents to have "a truly uplifting and transforming political experience." To wit, she has contracted with Florida plastic surgeon, Biff Boffo, to create a "budget boob lifting service" for every voter promising to vote for Harris.

"I'm thrilled to be of service to Katherine's election campaign," said Boffo. "Her magnificent breasticles are testimony to outstanding political finesse, and I'll also be offering a sweet discount for all feminine Republicans to add collagen lip shots to their surgeries. Katherine Harris has started more than just a boob enhancing revolution - she has birthed a Republican collagen revolution."

During her press conference today, Harris repeatedly insisted on profile photographic shots in order to highlight her massive breast implants.

"Aren't they magnificient??" she exclaimed again and again to reporters.

When asked if she routinely wore blouses four sizes too small to further draw attention to her dirty pillows, an excited and proud Harris replied, "Mais oui! And that's for all you French immigrants out there!"

Harris, who was turned down for the lead role in TransAmerica because she looked "unbelievable as a woman" was not deterred by the rejection. She told reporters that, after the rejection, she realized that she just needed more hormonal treatments.

"Felicity Huffman thinks she's hot shit," said Harris, "But I know the truth: She was the second choice for the TransAmerica lead, and that's a fact the producers cannot deny."

Adding that she was "meant for the pivotal role of Bree Osbourne," Harris then pivoted her body so that her enormous breasts could be photographed by Reuters and AP.

"I'm proud of my gimongous platform," said Harris, "and I know that both black and white voters will reward me with a Senate seat based solely on my spectacular hooters."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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