Written by Chrissy Benson
Print this

Monday, 2 April 2012

image for Confused Occupy Wall Street Activist Defends Trayvon Martin's Killer George Zimmerman
To Occupy-er Jonas Field, the potential arrest of a killer on the basis of a mere 99% certainty is no laughing matter.

Yesterday in Zuccotti Park, New York City, headquarters of the Occupy Wall Street movement, confused Occupy activist Jonas Field spoke up on behalf of George Zimmerman, the self-appointed Neighborhood Watch guard who shot and killed unarmed African-American teen Trayvon Martin in February of 2012.

Forensic voice identification experts recently confirmed beyond a 99% certainty that a voice heard calling for help during a 911 call made shortly before the fatal shooting was not that of Zimmerman, as Zimmerman originally claimed.

However, 99% is NOT enough for Field.

"Someone's liberty is potentially at stake here!" the outraged Field told a Mother Jones reporter. "A well-meaning citizen should not be arrested on the basis of a mere 99% certainty. That's what Occupy is all about, standing up for that 1% who have no one to support their cause."

Field's Occupy comrades looked on with some bafflement as Field went on to decry the perceived injustice of police's failure to definitively promise NEVER to arrest Zimmerman on ANY criminal homicide charges at ANY point in the future.

Field's roommate and fellow Occupy activist, 24-year-old Dan Cohen of Brooklyn, surreptitiously nudged his friend. "Dude, we're actually part of the 99%, not the 1%."

"Exactly!" said Field. "We're ALL part of that conspiracy on some level, intentionally or not. And we ALL need to take responsibility for standing up for the underdog 1%, like Zimmerman."

He continued, "99% my ass! If it was MY ass on the line, 99% wouldn't be good enough. Why should it be good enough for Z-dog?"

Another Occupy demonstrator, 36-year-old Anita Hague of Mahattan, asked, "But shouldn't 99% be enough for the police just to arrest Zimmerman? He'd still get a jury trial."

"Sure, maybe 99% is sufficient under the present system," answered Field. "And that's exactly why we need to CHANGE the present system. This kid Trayvon has everything and everyone on his side - the media, his family, the public. But who's standing up for George Zimmerman?"

Hague responded, "You do realize that Trayvon is dead."

"Sure, he may be physically dead," agreed Field, "but we can't let that make us forget that someone else's reputation is being MURDERED. I for one am not going to stand by and let that happen. Just because other Occupy-ers may be too 'Pre-Occupied' to take any action doesn't mean I won't."

Field added, "If I need to become the first person to Occupy Occupy, I'm willing to be that man."

Make Chrissy Benson's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 plus 5?

8 10 17 22
35 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more