SANFORD, FL - Voice analysis experts examining audio evidence in the Trayvon Martin case have determined that the voice heard yelling for "help" in the 911 calls likely belonged to Trayvon Martin, and not George Zimmerman. In response, Sanford Police Chief, Bill Lee has issued a statement explaining the implications of this new information:
"Given the new evidence provided by experts, we at the Sanford Police department hope the controversy surrounding the death of Trayvon Martin can finally be put to rest. It is clear from the audio recordings that Trayvon Martin not only attacked George Zimmerman, but actually made an attempt to recruit others in the attack by calling for help. If even one person wearing a hoodie had been in earshot of Trayvon's call to arms that night, George Zimmerman might not be alive today."
In an interview with Good Morning America, Zimmerman's best friend in the whole world, Joe Oliver - who himself, it should definitely be noted, is an African American, just like Trayvon Martin - elaborated on the import of these new revelations:
"It's frightening to think what could have happened," said Oliver, who, it is worth mentioning, was once a black teenager himself, and is now closer to George Zimmerman than George Zimmerman's own father has ever been, "because when I listen to those 911 tapes and hear the rallying cry coming from Trayvon Martin, I know my friend was in real trouble. It must have been at that moment that George realized he had to do something. It's just fortunate he was able to realize, in all the chaos, that he happened to have a gun on him."
Oliver, who is not white and has nothing non-monetary to gain from his rise to public prominence, later went on to point out that race should never have been an issue in the case.
"My friend, John Zimmerton, isn't even white. He's Hispanic, and I think he's got some Asian in him. Maybe even a little Samoan," Oliver, who is a black guy, said. "Anybody got a picture?"