WINTER HAVEN, FL (ABSNN) -A thirty-five year old Winter Haven, Florida man stands accused of serial murder today and faces years in prison. Reginald Owen Seer, Jr. claims the slaughter of the innocents was food preparation.
His wife and Winter Haven police claim he killed the bunnies because he and his wife argued over which one of them would have to get up to feed the pets.
The bunnies lost the argument.
"Seer took the bunnies into the bathroom and twisted their tiny fury bodies until their spines snapped," snapped the arresting officer.
"I told him to get his fat ass up and feed the kid's bunnies," said Mrs. Seer. "We argued for twenty minutes then he got up and said, 'I'll take care of the little bastards.'"
"Our children are not bastards," she claims to have said.
When the missus and the children got out of bed the smell of cooking eggs and meat was all through the house. Gathered about the table they dug into their repast with gusto.
"What is this meat?" asked a child. "It's good!"
"That's fluffy," said Father Seer.
"The eggs really are fluffy," his wife remarked. "And this squirrel is divine."
"That's Peter," Seer said.
When Mrs. Seer realized what they were eating, she called 911. The tapes have not yet been released to the public.
Well-meaning folks are pitching in to see that the pets are replaced in time for Easter. Easter baskets are pouring in from around the world! Included in the baskets are bunnies of every description.
A reporter asked Mrs. Seer what she was going to do with all of the bunnies.
"We'll dress them (in Florida, and throughout the South, dressing a rabbit does not mean clothing it) and sell whole, halves and leg quarters I guess. This will be a God send."