Written by Chrissy Benson
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Sunday, 1 April 2012

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"It's cool and all, but why hang out there ALL the freaking time?" is Ken Foley's verdict on the present moment.

After decades of Dharma talks, retreats, and solo meditation sittings - the sole aim of which was to fully experience the present moment - Buddhist Ken Foley finally admitted that the present moment was not so great.

"I don't regret anything," says Foley, "and I would certainly encourage people to check out the present moment for themselves and form their own opinion. But my honest take after all this practice is that the present moment is kind of overrated. I mean, seriously - what's the big deal? Breathe in, breathe out. After doing it like billions of times, I kind of know the drill. Yeah, I'm glad those lungs of mine are still working. It's just not super-exciting to focus on ALL the freaking time."

For this reason, reports Foley, he's become more open to spending some time in the past - a behavior he's tended to harshly judge in others.

"For ages I've been telling my buddies, come on, don't dwell on the past - it's over! Now, though, I don't see it as quite so black and white. I had some pretty cool times if I remember correctly - why not take a trip back once in awhile? Relive that glory, even if only in my head?"

The future holds new allure for Foley as well. In fact, he speculates that incorporating thoughts of the future into his lifestyle may be the key to unlocking his stalled love life.

Until now, Foley's standard approach has been to urge babes to "be in the moment" with him. While that approach has served some purpose, Foley is now open to trying something different.

"Who knows, maybe I'll do a little better with the chicks if I say, 'Hey, how 'bout grabbing a brewsky later?' Or, 'Meet me at the tattoo shop tonight.' Worth a shot, right?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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