Written by JAB
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Topics: Joseph Biden

Saturday, 31 March 2012

image for Biden has a Bug up his Bum
Vice President Biden in Happier Times

WASHINGTON--- Vice President, Joe Biden was admitted to George Washington University Hospital last night for what a spokesman said, "is a waste management problem. "

The President gave Biden a pass when he said, "Stand up, Chuck let 'em see ya," to wheelchair bound, State Sen. Chuck Graham of Missouri. However, Biden's recent comment at a reception for visiting Irish Prime Minister Enda Kenny -- "Now for you who are not full Irish in this room, lubricated has a different meaning for us all" -- was over the top and the President demanded, he get help immediately.

The hospital would only say, that noted physician, Dr Derek N Clive would treat the Vice President's problem as physical, not psychosomatic.

Dr Clive is well known in his field for having treated Jayne Mansfield's, Lobsterisimus Bummakisimus (lobsters-up-the-bum). Ms Mansfield used to enjoy swimming at night in the Pacific just outside her house in Malibu - today that stretch of beach is affectionately known as Malibu-de-bum-bum - but, "lobsters would get the upper hand and go straight up her bum." Dr Clive would have to, "retrieve the lobsters from her bum" and treat her with nitroglycerine ointment.

According to Dr Dudley Cook, author of "Deliveries in the Rear: Sunshine and Memories," if it is a physical problem, it isn't all that uncommon with Vice Presidents. According to Dr Cook, "When you think of it, all a Vice President does during his 4 years in office is go to State funerals and 'be on call' should something happen to the President."

"That's a lot of sitting around, in a house built in 1893, so it wouldn't surprise me, if a dust mite nest isn't tucked into a part of his poop chute."

Dr Cook in his book notes that VP John Tyler had his last of 15 children at the age of 70 because he couldn't sleep and that VP John N Garner once said, "It isn't worth a bucket of warm piss." VP Spiro Agnew would sit in a warm bath for 10 minutes, 3 times a day.

"I know that Dr Clive is an expert behind the reaches of the tuckus and that whatever is up Mr Biden's 'duty maker' will finally see the light of day," said, Dr Cook.

Meanwhile, Obama aides are drawing up a list of potential candidates in case Biden is not able to serve another 4 years as Vice President. Among the names being mentioned is Homer Simpson for the blue collar vote, Sister Sledge for the Catholic vote, Ricky Martin for the gay and Hispanic vote, Verne Troyer for the little people vote and Dr Who for "The Truth Is Out There Vote."

GOP presidential frontrunner Mitt Romney is in Malibu taking a break from campaigning and had no comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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