HIAWASSEE, GA (ABSNN)-The annual Celtic Festival held in Hiawassee, Georgia each spring has been cancelled. The Celts are angry. So are, apparently, the congregants of Mt. Zion Bethel Missionary Fundamentalist Baptist Sons of Gods. No mention was made of any angry feelings on the part of the daughters of God.
"What is the harm of a festival that renews our Scots-Irish heritage, I want to know," asked John Gleen, a Festival spokesman. "It's not as if we all dance naked all day long. Well, some of the newer children do dance naked all day long, but we reign em in at night so we can sleep," he said.
"These men and women, and their dirty naked, barefoot children are known Communist sympathizers and worship devils and eat Christian babies just like the Jews and Catholics do. We know our rights as a Christian nation and the Great State of Georgia. Last month we burned down the barn of Edna Heath because she had hex signs painted over the old Chew Mail Pouch Tobacco sign," said Arnold Cranford, Pastor, Bishop and Potentate of the Mt. Zion (read the name above, it's too hard to retype).
That pretty much says it all for the news. What more can we report?