Washington DC, USA; Saturday 25 March 2006 -(ReUterus & Associated Mess) - Despite a feverish guessing game in the international media, the White House is reportedly "keeping mum" today on the hot topic of whether First Lady Laura Bush is pregnant again.
All week, intense speculation has focused on whether the President would home in on today's Feast of the Annunciation to announce to the world that after many years of trying and gruelling months of secret fertility treatment, he is to be a father again.
This would tie in with the Vatican's most up-to-date prediction interpretations concerning the Last Secrets of Fatima which state that a miracle may occur on Planet Earth around the time of the 2006 Aries solar eclipse - an astrological event expected around next Wednesday 29 March.
Recent tell-tale medical reports that "Laura is sick to the pit of her stomach every waking day" may, inadvertantly, have also started a tumor in the corridor of power that she is indeed suffering from a form of morning sickness ahead of a long awaited blessed event in the not too distant future.
"Laura is throwing up every minute of every day", said a spokesperson this morning, "and we have had cause to interpret this as a joyful sign rather than any indication of latent or even psychosomatic criticism on the First Lady's behalf.
"The White House medical team recently decided to call in a number of additional specialist consultants, but we are not authorised to reveal whether these are indeed fertility experts, gastro-intestinal medics advising Mrs Bush or shrinks treating the President..... Although we all know what the smart money is on, he-he-he-he!
"Rumours that the First Lady may turn out to be another Holy Madonna, producing a 21st century miraculous immaculate misconception are just that - tumors.
"As far as the Fatima predictions are concerned, these are well known to the White House but any suggestion that the Reverend Jerry Falwell may be directly involved in Mrs Bush's current state of personal joy are purely speculative.
"Further, it must be stated in the strongest possible terms that neither the President nor the First Lady has ever imbibed on any miraculous, healing, exotic liquids currently filtering through the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain in London's Hype Park, despite suggestions to the contrary emanating from the foreign gutter press.
"The White House has absolutely no opinion whatsoever on any putative claims of miraculous powers regarding this Fountain and remains firmly of the opinion that only unnatural acts of heterosexual coupling can lead to human gestation and eventual childbirth."
Laura Bush is 69.