Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Thursday, 29 March 2012

In a surprise announcement this morning, Newt Gingrich announced that he had hired an Ex Kamikaze pilot as his campaign manager. Newt introduced the ninety-two year old pilot Yoshiro Metamora and explained his strategy in a few words.

According to journalists on the scene, Gingrich gave a sardonic smile and stated: "OK, folks, here's the skinny. If I can't be captain, I won't play! It is for this reason that I have hired Yoshiro to take over the campaign until the convention. Metamora also gave a sardonic smile and bowed slightly.

Metamora is known throughout Japan as the young Japanese pilot that became a national legend in 1941 when as a young graduate of the Japanese Air Force Academy, he attended the first briefing on the attack on the American fleet in Pearl Harbor. According to reports, the Japanese Colonel instructed the young graduates as follows: "Glorious Airmen, I stand before you today to give instructions to you on your mission and your introduction to your path of glory to the great beyond. You will take off in your airplanes and fly to the devil's lair in Pearl Harbor. You will then find biggest naval ships, point the nose of your airships at smoke stacks of devil's ships, fly down smoke stacks, and die for the everlasting glory of Japan!"

According to legend, at the end of the Colonel's impassioned speech, Lt. Yoshiro Metamora spoke up from the back of the assembled pilots and shouted out: "Colonel, you out of your fucking mind!" Metamora disappeared from Japan and was seen years later at a Cesar Chavez demonstration in California.

According to sources within the Gingrich campaign, Gingrich was jubilant at the prospect of a "glorious" exit from the campaign and his political life. According to the sources, a problem occurred when Newt explained the plans to Callista. Evidently, Callista listened attentively, pushed the Botox technician aside and shouted, "Newt, you out of you fucking mind!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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