CHARLOTTE, NC (ABSNN)-The City of Charlotte, North Carolina was looking forward to the 2012 Democratic National Convention that was to be held from September 3-6. An announcement that the convention would be scuttled is to be released by the party on April 1, 2012.
The city fathers "are very shocked and disappointed to learn that, in order to save hundreds of millions of dollars, the convention has been cancelled."
The hotels and retailers, restaurateurs and cab drivers are all "up in arms about the millions of dollars they will be losing at a time when budget cuts and unemployment in Charlotte is at an all-time high."
Party officials offered their deep regrets but as there is no real challenge to President Obama's renomination, the delegates will instead email in their ballots.
"We are eager to save the party's money for the general election campaign," said Democratic official Sam Malone. "I think we should make a one-time contribution to Charlotte in the form of tax relief or actual cash to be distributed amongst the business community and citizens."
Charlotte's mayor refused to comment. Charlotte's garbage collectors refused to comment. Charlotte's dog catcher refused to comment. Only one Pakistani cab driver would speak, but nobody could understand what he said.
"But, in fact, email is available to all of the delegates. They can get drunk and screw people at home and save a boat-load of money in the bargain," Malone said. But who is Malone? Nobody seems to know and his name does not appear on the list of party officials.
President Obama said he "approved the cost-cutting measure. It just seems right to me."