CALCUTTA, INDIA (ABSNN) - In an unexpected and wholly surprising move to the life of a religious nun, Kim Kardashian and Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity announced jointly today that Ms. Kardashian will become a Novice in the Order as of April 1, 2012. Although many who know Kardashian are skeptical (at best, and rolling on the floor laughing their butts off at worst) the young woman said she "was happy and relieved to be leaving behind a life of excessive sexuality, conspicuous consumption of alcohol and drugs, and the helter skelter world of the pseudo-celebrity."
The Sisters of The Missionaries of Charity, heir to Mother Teresa's all-encompassing vows of poverty, chastity and obedience said, "We welcome any woman who will follow the teachings of Christ Jesus (before He became a golf professional) and we see no hurdle for this young woman--although we're certain she will be in for more than her share of cultural shock."
Paris Hilton told reporters that she "envied Kim Kardashian for the Outta sight step she is taking. I only wish I had thought of it first!"
Hilton will be throwing Kardashian a "Bachelorette Party" on March 30, 2012 because, of course, "Kim will be getting married to Jesus. It will be the social event of the century-a complete bacchanal!"
Kardashian was seen shopping on toney Rodeo Drive in downtown Beverly Hills for appropriate clothing for her transition. The Sisters of The Missionaries of Charity informed her, however, that "they had perfectly useable second-hand saris left over from other, now deceased Nuns."
"Ha! That'll be the day," said Hilton.