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Monday, 26 March 2012

image for Three dead after taking the water cure at Hog Jaw, Arkansas
The Spring House at Hog Jaw Hot Springs Resort is boarded up and closed

HOG JAW, ARKANSAS (ABSNN)-Three people are dead today following their consuming the waters at the recently opened Hog Jaw Hot Springs according to state officials. Apparently, the waters are just for bathing and not at all meant to be drunk.

"We told Amos (Atwell) that he could open the springs to bathers but we had not given our permission for selling the waters for drinking. That so-called spring is really the run off from his septic tank, I'd guarantee it," said Thomas Cranford, the Hog Jaw Public Health and Sanitation Engineer.

The dead are: John Sampson Delilah, 49, of Hog Jaw; his wife Betty Mae, 41; and Reginald Forskinstein, 73. Their bodies have been taken to Little Rock for autopsy. Officials say the remains are so pulloted with bacteria they probably will decompose of the way.

"They're already right ripe," said Cranford.

The resort was shut down. The angered owner complained to no avail.

"I'm just a poor feller tryin to make an honest livin," said Atwell.

Apparently, he is making a killing at it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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