Written by Don Fulsom
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Sunday, 25 March 2012

Former Hollywood star Dick Van Dyke has entered the OFYC Club record books! The club, whose initials stand for "Old Fart-Young Chick," says the 46 year age difference between the ex-"Diagnosis Murder" actor and his new bride, 40-year-old Arlene Silver, a makeup artist, far surpasses anything in club history since Anna Marie Smith married that old billionaire.

OFYC records indicate that the previous biggest gap was the 32 years that separated singer Billy Joel and his lovely wife Katie Lee. They were married in 2004, when Joel was 55 and Lee was 23.

Close friends who attended the Van Dyke rites said the groom was able to kiss the beautiful bride with a minimal amount of drool, and that his false teeth stayed glued to his gums for the entire ceremony. Van Dyke and Silver performed a duet at the wedding.

Using his walker as a prop, a bewildered appearing Van Dyke, 86, sang: "We look forward to a long, long marriage. Silver sang back: "No, I don't. No, I don't."

Silver said she wrote the wedding song as a joke, and that Dick was too old to get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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