WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) - President Barack Obama broke his silence today regarding his religious, "Born Again" conversion on April 25, 2010 at the hands of the Reverend Dr. Billy Graham. Dr. Graham has been the unofficial Christian counselor to the past eleven US Presidents beginning with Harry S. Truman.
Obama was "outed" as a Southern Baptist convert by Internet Prophet Kim Clement during his live podcast Friday night. Obama had no choice but to admit his Christianity as a fact this morning.
"I visited Dr. Graham on a beautiful spring day in April 2010 on my way to a memorial service for the 29 WV coal miners killed in the explosion that March. I'd had just about enough flack about being a non-native US born citizen and the much touted "factoid" that I was a Muslim," said the President in a prepared speech.
"I bowed at the knee of America's religious patriarch and confessed my sins (and those of Acorn, Fanny Mae, the United States in general and my obsession with Hillary Clinton's behind)," Obama revealed.
"I had no intention of revealing my conversion to the mainstream Southern Baptist Church," Obama to reporters. "I did not want to be seen unfairly supportive of any religious sect due to the separation of church and state."
Other than revealing Obama's "secret conversion," which God had forbidden him to do until yesterday morning, Kim Clement has been, on the whole, a "holy" unreliable source of the Godhead's intentions, failing to predict for this writer the numbers and Power ball for last Wednesday's West Virginia Lottery. However, it is this reporter's sacred duty to this news service to report all matters religious and I feel I have done my duty and hope to overtake Monkey Woods in the writer's standings later this afternoon.